If you'd like to be involved but have only some of the required components (perhaps some surplus sensory deprivation tanks from a CIA secret prison, or a squid with a particularly talented beak) just comment here, and I'll get you in touch with suitable other people. All I ask is 10% of the profits when they come rolling in!
|The demographic||Young urban professionals with wishy-washy New Age leanings. Perhaps the ideal customers, combining disposable income and gullibility.|
|The pitch||Relaxing massage, meditative peace, and an encounter with nature's majesty... all in your lunch-hour.|
|The reasoning||Things that hippies like:|
Things that yuppies like:
- Flotation tanks
- Swimming with dolphins
- Spending money
- Flotation tanks (size XL)
- Marine biologist/psychologist
|The advert||What could be more relaxing than half an hour in flotation tank? How about half an hour in a flotation tank while being massaged? Slip into one of our tanks and bask, floating in the darkness with nothing to concentrate on but a little light New Age music, and the unique sensation of being kneaded in 10 places at once. Relax in the embrace of strong yet sensitive tentacles as our trained squid suck your tension away...|
- Inject tanning cream into the squid's ink sacs, and customers could come out with a healthy tan as well. Now that's what I call multi-tasking.
- Worn out squid could be sold as fresh calamari to nearby restaurants
- Massage 'with relief' could be a popular extra with certain groups:
This may well be technically legal, or at least be an exploitable grey area
- The very jaded
- 'Animal lovers'
- Hentai fans
- People who have ethical qualms about the exploitation of sex workers, but are in dire need of an expert orgasm
- SF author Jeff Vandermeer