Music:Sounds All Wrong (Satisfaction Jackson remix) - Dustball
Winners use drugs
You know those sorry junkies who can't operate properly until their first cup of coffee of the day? Maybe you even are one. Until today I'd looked on these benighted souls with a mixture of pity and contempt. "How sad", I would think smugly, "that these people have allowed themselves to become so dependent on a drug that they actually can't function properly without it. I was once like you, but I had the will-power to kick the habit, and now I only use caffeine when I really need that extra edge. In fact, because my body isn't accustomed to it, it's all the more effective when I do."
Turns out I was stupid and wrong. Over the past fortnight at work I have been even more apathetic than usual suffering from an unusually powerful attack of Effort Deficit Disorder. Work has been backing up, and given that my first pay review is due this month, it couldn't be happening at a worse time. So this morning I decided to take a chance, and down a morning cup of coffee. I knew that it would get me wired, because it's pretty fearsomely strong stuff even before it's spent a couple of hours on the hotplate distilling down to espresso. What I hadn't realised is how productive this stimulation would make me. I've done more this morning than I managed in any other day in the past week, and still had time to write this. It seems that these people chugging a coffee every morning aren't addicts, they're just people like me who, through an unfortunate quirk of biology, begin the day at -1 cups and are just trying to achieve equilibrium.
So, EDD sufferers everywhere, I may have found a cure: a shit-load of caffeine and some dance music on your headphones, and you too could twitch your way to productivity! As an added bonus, I can concentrate on 3 different tasks at once, make friendly chit-chat with co-workers whilst resolving database integrity issues, and I'm pretty sure I could dodge bullets if the opportunity arose!
I'm definitely going to have to change my username...