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Winners use drugs

You know those sorry junkies who can't operate properly until their first cup of coffee of the day? Maybe you even are one. Until today I'd looked on these benighted souls with a mixture of pity and contempt. "How sad", I would think smugly, "that these people have allowed themselves to become so dependent on a drug that they actually can't function properly without it. I was once like you, but I had the will-power to kick the habit, and now I only use caffeine when I really need that extra edge. In fact, because my body isn't accustomed to it, it's all the more effective when I do."

Turns out I was stupid and wrong. Over the past fortnight at work I have been even more apathetic than usual suffering from an unusually powerful attack of Effort Deficit Disorder. Work has been backing up, and given that my first pay review is due this month, it couldn't be happening at a worse time. So this morning I decided to take a chance, and down a morning cup of coffee. I knew that it would get me wired, because it's pretty fearsomely strong stuff even before it's spent a couple of hours on the hotplate distilling down to espresso. What I hadn't realised is how productive this stimulation would make me. I've done more this morning than I managed in any other day in the past week, and still had time to write this. It seems that these people chugging a coffee every morning aren't addicts, they're just people like me who, through an unfortunate quirk of biology, begin the day at -1 cups and are just trying to achieve equilibrium.

So, EDD sufferers everywhere, I may have found a cure: a shit-load of caffeine and some dance music on your headphones, and you too could twitch your way to productivity! As an added bonus, I can concentrate on 3 different tasks at once, make friendly chit-chat with co-workers whilst resolving database integrity issues, and I'm pretty sure I could dodge bullets if the opportunity arose!

I'm definitely going to have to change my username...

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
tinyjo
Apr. 4th, 2005 12:08 pm (UTC)
yay! And also, I have done nearly all the work I have got that is not waiting for some one else so can surf the internet until this afternoon's meeting! we roxxor!
celestialweasel
Apr. 4th, 2005 06:06 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately it won't work for me. I have 2 or 3 cups before work, all reasonably - or some might say unreasonably - strong. One or two at home from our lovely Krups machine (my 40th birthday present from t__m__i), then an espresso-choc from the machine at work (even though the Nescafe / Cafe Direct in our 'kitchen' at work is free).
Then another one from the machine at lunchtime and, if I have been feeding the dogs, sometimes another one from the Krups machine at home.
Despite this I am not feeling wildly productive at the moment.
Maybe I WAS more productive when I used to drink 15 or so cups of instant a day, I don't think I shall try the experiment however.
cloudhigh
Apr. 6th, 2005 10:04 am (UTC)
Tea
Usually makes my world go around. When in an office (an increasingly rare occurrence, it seems) I do tend to accept gifts of coffee and sometimes even make my own, but it hypes me so much that the effect takes me to stratospheric levels of tension or wibbledom. Two mugs a day, max, I reckon!
liriselei
Apr. 6th, 2005 12:44 pm (UTC)
because my body isn't accustomed to it, it's all the more effective when I do.

precisely - this one cup has tried so hard to seduce you with promises of productivity, but once the tolerance kicks back in again all those roasted wiles will reveal themselves for the hollow boasts they are !
oxfordhacker
Apr. 7th, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
Coffee is a fickle mistress
I know, I know. The thrill of the courtship is made bitter-sweet by the inevitability of the betrayal to come. I've been wondering if there is some other appropriate stimulant which I could use in a similar way, so that I alternate between the two without building up too much of a tolerance. Perhaps I should mention this in my pay review:
"I need a raise to pay for my experiments with stimulants, so I can find something to tide me over my caffeine withdrawal."


Perhaps not.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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oxfordhacker
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