August 21st, 2008

Cute overload - head and shoulders

On pr0n

So, I'm stuck in a hotel on a business trip in exotic Nottingham, and I notice that buying the internet access package also gets me the adult films (which seems rather like offering a free pack of AA batteries with every nuclear power station). Out of curiosity I start watching one, and quite frankly I'm shocked. They charge £5.99 for sloooow soft-core porn with no fast-forward!? Maybe it's just that the internet or the girlfriend has spoiled me, but I'd have to be profoundly more sexually frustrated to get much* out of this. I find myself wondering whether guys who do a lot of UK travel for work might end up with a fetish: all unable to get worked up without their partner providing 10 minutes of foreplay consisting of lack-lustre topless shimmying, and always assiduously averting their eyes to avoid any glimpse of genitalia.

At least that would probably be preferable to developing a fetish based on internet porn, in which you can't enjoy yourself unless you're with two or three teenagers of assorted genders (and possibly species), wearing nothing but shoes, implants and unconvincing smiles, working through every possible conjunction of their erogenous zones like they're solving a perms and coms exercise by case exhaustion.

I think I'd better go to bed.

* i.e. an orgasm