August 23rd, 2001

Cute overload

This is your life...

Performance review at work, yesterday. My boss gave me just enough time to prepare, fortunately for me, and I think I handled it pretty well. He asked me how the job was going first, which gave me the opportunity to mention things that I 'had been having trouble with, but was getting the hang of now.' These, of course, were my excuses for being slow, but by getting them in first I had avoided making them sound like excuses, more like problems already mostly overcome. Positively Machiavellian in its fiendishness, I know.

So, the 'issues that could become a problem' raised by my boss were:

1. Speed. I'm working a bit too slowly.
Stated cause: Spending time getting to grips with the job.
Stated solution: Get to grips with job. Speed increases automatically.
Actual cause: Web-surfing for 90% of my time.
Actual solution: Run out of good stuff to read on the web.

2. Over-use of net. I think all he knows about this is I often have a browser window open when he sees my screen.
Stated cause: Boredom while waiting for automatic processes to run on my machine.
Stated solution: Discretion, keeping use to a minimum.
Actual cause: Utter lack of interest or motivation to work.
Actual solution: Discretion, keeping detection to a minimum, trying to do enough work so that they don't care.

3. Timing. I'm turning up a bit too late.
Stated cause: Misunderstanding on my part about starting times.
Stated solution: Simply get up earlier.
Actual cause: Frequent manifestation of pathological inability to get up.
Actual solution: Unknown. I could try setting the alarm half-an-hour earlier, in the hope that I'll thus get up half-an-hour earlier, but it's never worked before.

Could have been worse, I guess. He seemed quite nice about it. His main concern seemed to be whether I would leave because the job isn't challenging enough. However, I'm of the opinion that I don't want a job that's challenging. I want a job that's easy and offers nearly unlimited net access. And that's what I appear to have. Sorted.

Autobiographical fact #6:
School and college taught me that if you do an absolute bare minimum of work whilst being likable, that is almost always all that is required. If you quell any fears that you 'could be doing better' (a truism) or that you'll be 'found out' (rarer than you'd think, and the worst that could happen is rarely all that bad), it's a pretty good life. Ambition is your enemy.
i.e. I'm a slacker.

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