Music:'Electric Demons In Love' - Electric Six (in my head)
In my defense...
... it's not wickedness that makes me say those things to the cats, but love. It's natural to anthropomorphise your pets, projecting rather more human, and dare I say nuanced, personalities onto their actions. My words just enhance that process. After all, Cassidy typically looks imperious and perhaps somewhat disdainful when she sprawls on the bed watching me through half-shut eyes, so if I call her affectionate but somewhat derogatory nick-names - thereby deserving that sort of look - I'm deepening our bond, really. Similarly, as Charlie's wide-eyed kitten features give her an air of permanent confusion, it's only appropriate for me to tell her that there are ghost mice under the bed, or just to dance in front of her until she runs away or flops to the floor.
Also, I'm pretty sure that when Cassidy is miaouing in the kitchen, it's OK for me to complement her on her singing and, unsolicited, to present her with some food and a round of applause as a token of my appreciation, as long as it doesn't actually slow down the food-bowl-filling process. And finally, when I find a cat lying neatly with her legs tucked under her, I maintain that it is harmless to: a) pretend that her legs have fallen off, possibly from too much scampering, and/or b) become The Kitten Messiah and cause them to miraculously grow back by laying on of hands.