- There was a week during which a glance at my calendar would leave me mumbling "This is fucked up, fucked up". Which film was I scheduled to see?
A: The film was the Oscar-winning bonkers ballerina body-horror Black Swan, and the song was the excellent 'Black Swan' by Thom Yorke. Congratulations to brixtonbrood and offensive_mango.
- I can't say the name of one of Oxford's cinemas without following it with "Yeah, you know me." What's the acronym by which that cinema is known?
A: It's the Ultimate Picture Palace, aka the UPP. The track in question is in fact 'OPP' by Naughty By Nature. Points to Oxfordians concourse, jinty and tortipede. Half points to the out-of-date brixtonbrood (it's not the Penultimate Picture Palace any more) and to offensive_mango for getting the song.
- After taking my coat for repairs, I spent the rest of the day singing about "a stick, a dog, and a box with something in it". What needed fixing?
A: It was a button, though it was not, in fact, 'The Hardest Button To Button' as the White Stripes quote might have led you to expect. Well done concourse, brixtonbrood and offensive_mango.
- Currently the financial news often leaves me singing "It was a clear black night, a clear white moon, Warren G was on the streets trying to consume..." What is being proposed for the banking industry?
A: Regulation, though probably not of the glock-mediated variety that Warren G and Nate Dogg advocate. brixtonbrood was the only person gangsta enough to guess that one.
- I was talking about fruit with archie in the kitchen at work, when I unnerved him by singing "I want to kiss you but I want it too much (too much)..." What sort of berries were under discussion?
A: Boison! (Boison running through my veins...) The line's from 'Poison' by Alice Cooper, as guessed by concourse and brixtonbrood.
- I spent an evening alternating between "Don't want to be on my own again tonight" and "If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it". What disease had poor tinyjo been diagnosed with?
A: She was a shingle girl/lady, depending on whether I was singing her 'Single Girl' by Lush or 'Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)' by Beyoncé. brixtonbrood got that one.
- When I search the shelves at Oxfam for books for tinyjo I occasionally find myself singing "Shake it like a Polaroid picture." Which author I am seeking?
A: Georgette Heyer or, as Outkast pronounce her, 'Hey Ya'. brixtonbrood guessed correctly, jinty and offensive_mango were halfway there...
- News reports about former President of Serbia Milan Milutinovic would leave me singing about "watching the tide roll in", and occasionally essaying ill-advised whistling solos. Where was he sitting at the time?
A: He was sittin' in the dock of The Hague, on trial for war-crimes. jinty gets half a point, brixtonbrood gets one, but offensive_mango gets two for correcting my lyrics (the tide should be rolling away), and tortipede also gets a bonus for extending my punnery rather wonderfully.
- Whose fault is it that:
a)... I develop a stutter when suggesting that we eat something "more sub-sub-sub-substantial"?
A: R.E.M.'s, for using that line in 'The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite'. A point to concourse, there.
b)... when talking about badastronaut I always call her "Deb-or-ah (Deb-or-ah)"?
A: Pulp, for 'Disco 2000'. One for brixtonbrood.
c)... when I hear Martin Luther King mentioned I unfortunately think: "'Love is the only weapon'? Shit! Bullshit! Martin Luther King died with love!"
A: Alabama 3, for sampling that line from a Jim Jones rant in 'Mao Tse Tung Said'. Gotten by jinty and tortipede, though surely the most obscure of the three songs in this section.
- When playing the excellent card game Dominion, it appears to be a house rule that you can't play one of the cards without introducing it thus: "This is not the greatest song in the world." What is that card called?
A: It is a Tribute (you've got to believe me...), as sung by Tenacious D and recognised by brixtonbrood.
- When playing the excellent board game Pandemic, one draws cards from a deck containing major cities from throughout the world.
a) Which one always prompts me to say "If you didn't you wouldn't be in here"?
A: That's when "I know you've got Seoul". It's from a track by Bobby Byrd, apparently, though I know it from sampling by James Brown and Eric B & Rakim. Another point for brixtonbrood.
b) Which one always makes me mutter "Vanishing point, vanishing point, vanishing point"?
A: No-one guessed Karachi, and I'm not surprised. Only in my head does it sound sufficiently like 'Kowalski' by Primal Scream.
- Sometimes, on my cycle to work, I find myself singing Ice T's 'Gotta Lotta Love'. The noise of what automatically-scheduled event has inspired this song?
A: OK, we're into the impossible ones here. It took me ages to work this one out myself, but eventually I figured that it's because of the opening lines: 'Woke up the other morning, heard a Roomba'. Well, OK, it's rumour in the original.
- What did we find on our bikes one morning which left me singing "Hurry down the chimney tonight"?
A: Another impossible one. Sadly we had found neither the deed to a platinum mine, nor all the fellas that I haven't kissed (though they were good guesses offensive_mango), but spider babies. Fortunately, unlike 'Santa Baby', they did not hurry down our chimney...
- When I have teleconferences in Mandarin, I tend to be distracted by one of two ear-worms: "Wu buck wild with the trigger!" or "I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want." Can you explain?
A: No, you can't, and no wonder. You'd need to know that Chinese people (or at least, the ones I work with) tend to repeat the words for 'that' or 'this' where we might use 'ummm' to fill sentences, that they're pronounced 'nà ge' and 'zhè ge' respectively, and hence put me in mind of 'Shame On A Nà ge' by Wu Tang Clan, or the Spice Girls really, really, really wanting to zhè ge zhè ge in 'Wannabe'.
Bonus vid - hilarious, extremely well done, and terribly unsafe for work unless you've got your headphones in:
I'm very impressed that someone managed to get all but the final, completely ridiculous ones, so well done all, especially brixtonbrood for getting the most. I've enjoyed myself, so I guess I'll revisit this in another three years once the backlog's built up again...