Drifting in and out of consciousness (oxfordhacker) wrote,
Drifting in and out of consciousness
oxfordhacker

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Home-made camouflage trousers.

We all know how wicked cool camouflage trousers are. But they have three main problems:
- They cost money.
- They may not actually blend in with your environment.
- They're pretty much all baggy, in that implausible style that makes you look either like a fat person trying to hide it, or a thin person trying to hid it.

Fear not. For now you can solve all these problems with my
Home-made camouflage trouser recipe.

What you will need
A clean pair of trousers.
A bike.
A boss currently obsessively logging the time you arrive at work.
An impending assessment to decide whether your probationary period will end in a permanent job or a summary dismissal.
A pathological inability to arrive any earlier than just on time for anything.
A tendency to stay up late, coupled with a debilitating allergy to mornings.
A short-cut to work down a dirt cycle-path.
Rain.

What to do
Arrive at work.
Look down at your newly camouflaged trousers.
Congratulations.


Current site: Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. The same guy (with the unlikely moniker 'Mil Millington') who does the column in the Weekend Guardian, if you read that sort of thing. I just love his writing style. He also writes half of The Weekly.
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