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  • Wed, 19:30: RT @hondanhon: Can’t help but hear this story about Facebook from The Guardian as being read by Philomena Cunk. https://t.co/GAaC0NhdfB
  • Wed, 19:34: RT @directhex: Technophobes: “computers are barely working magic” Nerds: “computers do as they’re told” Elder nerds: “computers are barel…
  • Wed, 19:34: RT @MeetAnimals: "I forgot how to kitty, so I'm a bat now" https://t.co/aY3FkWuPkm
  • Wed, 19:36: RT @LeBearGirdle: Me: I think my computer's broken Boss: just give it to the IT guy Me: okay *walks outside and tosses my laptop into the…
  • Wed, 20:01: RT @Youaredumb: Man, sure is a good thing we developed a legislative system built entirely on everyone involved acting in good faith.
  • Wed, 20:24: RT @TheOnion: NASA Announces Plan To Replace Voyager Record With Streaming Service That Aliens Can Browse From Any Device https://t.co/EzNS
  • Wed, 20:35: RT @Nicole_Cliffe: It's a shame modern life offers so few opportunities to demonstrate your love via physical feats.
  • Wed, 20:38: RT @froghammer: First they came for the Nazis, and I didn't speak out because I'm not a nazi. Then everything was fine after that, much bet…
  • Wed, 20:41: RT @AlisonChrista: THEM: Here's a simple & straightforward way to do this easy task. ME: Okay, I hear you, but... https://t.co/nmNOGZCtYE
  • Wed, 20:50: RT @Arr: props to the real heros: the brave men & women who spent the first 195,000 years of human existence figuring out which plants woul…
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  • Sun, 23:58: RT @grahamsleight: Wondering if "I have decided not to pursue a leadership position at Uber" is a new universal New Yorker cartoon caption.
  • Mon, 00:04: RT @rmc28: Two different tellings of my new favourite fairy tale: https://t.co/4D2t4SCxWH and this thread. https://t.co/iCPwNHLIqD
  • Mon, 00:07: RT @Ixwie: Ever show ur mum a tweet that u find funny and instead of laughing she just asks 'who's that?' Like I don't know but that's not…
  • Mon, 00:09: RT @sannewman: When I was a teen, there was huge pressure on girls to fall in love, because otherwise you couldn't have sex without being a…
  • Mon, 00:10: RT @NicCageMatch: I've been rating Donald Trump's tweets for over a month now and I have to say, he's really all over the place. Service is…
  • Mon, 00:13: RT @ArfMeasures: HER: Does your dog do any tricks? ME: I taught him to lie on the bed H: That's not impressive lol DOG [gets on bed] I w…
  • Mon, 00:23: RT @CurlOfGradient: Problem 1.1: Show that all sets are actually the empty set running around and wearing a bunch of disguises like an old-…
  • Mon, 00:27: RT @Elizasoul80: If you see a tweet you don't like, be sure to tell that person. They're here to please you, the most intelligent person on…
  • Mon, 00:29: RT @gf3: YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A WIFE

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  • Tue, 17:20: RT @FrogCroakley: Love how this tweet casually segues into a confession that Cincinnati zoo is attempting to grow a hippo to the size of th…
  • Tue, 17:25: RT @TwopTwips: ASSESS the ‘banter’ potential of your new workplace by shouting “Morning wankers!” as you walk in on your first day. (via @…
  • Tue, 23:32: RT @ChadwickMatlin: May we all someday be blessed to find the stories we were born to write. @ForecasterEnten has found one of his: https:/…
  • Tue, 23:34: RT @computerfact: myth: computers are normally working & when they break its an error reality: computers are normally broken & when they wo…
  • Tue, 23:49: RT @AndrewNadeau0: REASONS I'M BETTER THAN BABIES: 1) Taller 2) Aware you didn't take my nose 3) I touched a horse once 4) Knows names of m…
  • Tue, 23:53: RT @pleatedjeans: Hamburglar: we've got 3 mins. to get in and get out https://t.co/bmGOkZsz4l
  • Wed, 00:03: RT @daniel_barker: People are appalled that a clock is going to be stopped for repairs but is this horror logical?
  • Wed, 00:09: RT @ScopeOfVariable: If you not a P-Zombie I "feel" bad for you, son I got 99 problems but experience none
  • Wed, 06:51: RT @SubsetOfSet: Shallow cynicism: "What if it's masks all the way down?" Deep cynicism: "What if it's faces all the way down?"
  • Wed, 06:53: RT @VesselOfSpirit: what if clickbait for superintelligences. 2,331,757,018 Clever Tricks To Shave Additional Milliseconds Off Your Stellar…
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  • Fri, 14:02: RT @RobGMacfarlane: Word(s) of the day: “crown shyness” - phenomenon whereby individual tree crowns avoid overlap or touch, forming strikin…
  • Fri, 18:23: RT @NamestartswithZ: SCIENTIST: Don't transfer your mind into the Totally Operational Robot Ninja! NATALIE IMBRUGLIA: You're a little late…
  • Fri, 18:24: RT @jitka: there should be a thing called DeFundMe where I can take money away from upcoming movies and video games and keep it for myself
  • Fri, 18:25: RT @BlkNrdProblems: Jean: Everyone, stop thinking Cyclops is a dick. I can't concentrate. Jubilee: Need to concentrate on not passing out…
  • Fri, 18:52: RT @ryanqnorth: "The Birds" is just Jurassic Park with more evolved dinosaurs
  • Fri, 18:53: RT @realbjdunne: [Afterlife] GREETER (warmly): Welcome to Clown Heaven! ME: I'm not a clown G: My mistake! (scowling) Welcome to Normal…
  • Fri, 19:19: So much of Helsinki looks like those hopelessly utopian concept drawings of a cycle-friendly city https://t.co/T4xAdl4CGS
  • Fri, 19:54: RT @pressdarling: i don't want no scrub/ a scrub is a biome defined by lack of trees/ usually a risk of fire, 'coz the soil's drier/ known…
  • Fri, 19:55: RT @RCKruseKontrol: I'm not sure what's more confusing, that we would celebrate killing two birds, or that we would need to conserve stones.
  • Fri, 20:21: "That shop sells amber dice!" Me: Actually, Amber's diceless Their baffled faces induce an unexpectedly pleasing synthesis of pride & shame
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Cute overload
oxfordhacker
Drifting in and out of consciousness

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